Def 1: (n) – A brilliantly lashed ball that finds the back of the net to end a scoring drought in dramatic fashion.

Def 2: (n) – Any goal struck by Hull City and USMNT striker Josmer Altidore

(ex: Big Jeezy, Hull City v. Manchester City 2.6.10)

Donovan” – (v) – to slot the ball perfectly during a rush or counter attack to a leading US striker that it relegates the defense useless and the striker in prime position to finish. (See: Davies, Mexico and Casey, San Pedro Sula)

(n) – one who slots…., (n) – the act of slotting….

USMNTitis” – (n) – trouble finishing; trouble putting the ball in the back of the net

Charlie-In-A-Bottle” – (n) – Lightening, like coming on like a bat out of hell at the RSA Confed Cup and scoring a goal in his first start there, in a bottle. Usually used when pining for a player to make a major contribution who hasn’t necessarily shown that he is capable of it.

Boombosa” – (n) – A swerving, dipping, knuckler of a shot off or just under the limbo bar that beats the keeper. (courtesy Coach Peter Vermes)

“Flying Hovestad” – (n) – an amazing pass or shot by Benny Feilhaber that displays panache and generates excitement  or one who has a play that resembles a Benny Flying Hovestad. (see Mexico, Gold Cup 2007, or Spain, Confed Cup 2009)

“The Counterattack Heard Round the World” – One of the prettiest goals in the history of the United States, international competition and quite possibly in the history of soccer. Setting: Confederation Cup, 1st half, Final, US vs. Brazil. Rico to Landon to Charlie back to Landon for the score. A more perfect counterattack has likely never been seen.

USMNT Match Fit Index (MFI) – Most aptly described in this column, the MFI is The Shin Guardian’s way of reducing the clutter of injury reports and rumors on players that have suffered anything from a knock to something worse. There are four rankings or distinction in the MFI: Match Fit, Magic Spray, Training Table, Medic!




Brian Ching – The Big Aloha

Frankie Hedjuk – Frankie Haircut, Frankie Excitement (executive decision)

Stu Holden – Iceman (TSG Poll Winner)

Clint Dempsey – Deuce, Deuceman (sticking with legacy here)

Jozy Altidore – JZA, Drogba Jr., Big Jeezy

Charlie Davies – “Chuck Deezy,” CD9

Tim Howard – Big T

Benny Feilhaber – Benny!, Benny Exclamation

Ricardo Clark – Rico, Rambo

Freddy Adu – The Renewed Freddy Adu The Subdued Freddy Adu

Bob Bradley – Coach USA

Mikey Bradley – Junior, Sweatpants Jr., Mikey B

Sacha Kljestan – Victoria’s Little Secret

Jonathan Bornstein – Johnny “Be Good” Bornstein, Johnny Be Good

Jermaine Jones –The Great German Hope, Snuffleupagus/Snuffy

Brad Friedel – Big Bird (coined January 30th, 2010 due to Friedel’s atrocious attire)

Dax McCarty – The New Ginger Ninja

Conor Casey – Mr. Clean

Landon Donovan – Lanverton (exclusive to his time with the Toffees)

Alejandro Bedoya – The U.S. Ambassador to Brazil


Borussia Moenchengladbach – M’Glad (courtesy of TSG commentor Antonio), Bo’ Munchen (courtesy of Kaya)


• Plies their trade: An overused phrase typically for Americans playing overseas

• Burst onto the scene: Nearly every players that surprises “burst on to the scene.” For those that don’t come on quite as strongly, they “arrive” on the scene. We’ll go with Charlie-In-A-Bottle.

• A two-goal lead is the “most dangerous lead in soccer”

From Matt Mathai in TSG’s comment section:

Finally (for now) stop repeating the canard that a two-goal lead is the “most dangerous lead in soccer.” Bullshit. The only team that wouldn’t wish for a two-goal lead is the one that already has a three-goal lead. This is another bit of ‘punditry’ that makes you sound foolish. Enough, already.

39 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by kaya on 2009/08/25 at 11:09 PM

    Chuck Deezy


  2. Ching – The Flying Hawaiian
    Hejduk – Captain Free Beer (for obvious reasons)
    Bradley – Baby Bradley (kinda like Baby Muppets)
    Howard – Timmy! (not a rip off of Benny! but South Park)


  3. Posted by Wayneo on 2009/10/07 at 5:42 AM

    As Phillies fan, I have to vote no on the Flying Hawaiian. That is reserved for Shane Victorino.

    Donovan – Landycakes


    • Posted by Mark T on 2009/10/07 at 7:11 AM

      Even as a Mets fan (no jokes please), I have to agree with you, Wayneo, on Victorino.


  4. What about Preppy for Stu Holden, referencing his Zach Morris like appearance. Other Saved by the Bell cast members would be:

    Gooch = Slater – Jheri curl
    Bornstein = Screech


  5. Posted by matthewsf on 2009/10/07 at 9:22 AM

    C’mon Nick — you just gave me license to post one of my favorite youtube clips about one of my favorite up-and-coming players…and the true Screech.


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  9. Posted by Evan on 2009/12/25 at 11:57 AM

    I had forgotten about this one, but for a couple of games when espn was still having the players introduce themselves, Sacha Kljestan introduced himself as “Hollywood Kljestan” I’m not really sure if he was kidding or not, but it was still funny and I vote for that to be his nickname.


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  11. Posted by freegle on 2010/01/01 at 10:49 AM

    I’d like to start a movement to eliminate the “Stars and Stripes” or “Yanks” nicknames from the USMNT. One is dumb and the other is not all that unique (see NY Yankees). The bald eagle is our national symbol and fitting due to the hair deficiencies of our manager and best player but Nigeria already uses the eagle as well. My submission is one of the Snakes/Serpents/Rattlers a la the Gadsden Flag. It has historical American significance as well as US Soccer significance due to its affiliation with the phrase “Don’t tread on me.” I’d love to hear other suggestions but I feel we need a change/better nickname. Thanks.


    • Freegle –

      Check the archives. We had a HUGE discussion of this a month or so back about changing the Yanks’ name. Good stuff… stuff you’ve brought up. I think the final vote came down to the Yanks staying by just a bit.


      • Posted by matthewsf on 2010/01/01 at 11:16 AM

        Thanks Dan:

        Actually Jan 15th is d-day — I’ll be running a post end of next week alerting people to one more week to vote — the count is current 43% to 43%!


  12. Posted by freegle on 2010/01/02 at 9:08 AM

    Thanks Lads… I wish I had found this site earlier! Good stuff.


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  14. Posted by Evan on 2010/01/20 at 4:52 PM

    Apparently the German media is referring to Ricardo Clark as Rambo. I like it


  15. Posted by GeorgeCross on 2010/01/27 at 1:21 PM

    Er, the “Moenchen” in Borussia Moenchengladbach does not refer to Munchen is any way, shape or form. Just a little FYI.

    I love the nickname ‘Sweatpants’ though. AbFab.


  16. Posted by Thomas on 2010/02/06 at 9:36 AM

    Marouane Fellaini – I’ve just spent 120 quid on me hair. If you think I’m puttin a stockin over me head you’re very much mistaken. [quote from Lock, Stock, and Two Smokin Barrels]


  17. I submit (from Mark T):

    JOLAZO – a brilliantly struck ball by USMNTer Jozy Altidore for a goal (ex: Hull City v. Manchester City 2.6.10)


  18. Posted by tnnelson on 2010/04/09 at 2:08 PM

    your forgot about a few good ones:
    charlie davies- chucky d
    michael bradley- MB90(never gets subbed)
    stu holden- frosty(for those golden frosted tips, of course)
    and, what about bocanegra, he’s got a bunch:
    los, boca, captain america, etc.(kinda common knowledge)
    Tim Howard(kinda like benny!)- Timmy!!!!!!!!!(when he makes a sick save)


  19. Posted by Dennis on 2010/08/04 at 10:39 AM

    Probably too late for his playing career, which is unfortunate, but Steve Cherundolo should now be known as “solo dolo” (kid cudi reference if not familiar)


  20. Posted by Yvonne Mason on 2010/09/28 at 5:52 PM

    Wonderfully clever!


  21. Posted by Charlie G. on 2011/04/27 at 7:01 AM

    How about adding: “Clinical Finish”

    If any MLS broadcaster starts using this, its time to show him the door.

    Oh, as a side note, I though it was so disgusting to turn on the RSL v. Monterrey first leg game and see US-style football striping on the field – Yuck !


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